I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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