apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
