I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
