i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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