Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
