Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
