I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
