Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
