her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
