my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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