Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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