a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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