Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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