Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why did my mother make you get naked?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
