oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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