My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
