Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
