Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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