I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
