so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
