I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
