Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
