The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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