so explain again why im purple
no
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
