a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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