Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
