i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He told me they were just razor bumps!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
