i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
