Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
