so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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