i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
