Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
