oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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