he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
