I just made out with a guy for $7.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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