2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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