Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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