Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
