also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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