i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't deserve a penis
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
