kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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