I haven't been this sober since birth.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
