If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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