i think i have two assholes
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
