xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
