Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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