If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
