Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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