Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
