I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
