you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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