There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
