Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
