If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
