yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
