I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
