my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Alive.
So much puke
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
